Easter---2013

Easter is here once again.  Spring is here.  It is a time of renewal, a time to once again be reminded what Jesus did on the cross, He didn't just die.  He died with my sins heaped upon him, but not only mine---the sins of everyone in the whole, big world--past, present and future.  Jesus took those sins so that I do not receive the punishment that I deserve for my sins and sinful nature.  Jesus received my punishment.  That truth becomes more real  and more poignant as I become older and know Jesus better.  However Jesus didn't stay dead---He rose from the dead, not as an apparition, as a human being in the flesh, who could enjoy having a meal with his followers.  Afterward He ascended into heaven and is with God the Father.  The many truths from the bible that are associated with Jesus' death and resurrection make me beholden to Jesus. Each year Easter brings all these thoughts and truths to the forefront once again.

My friend Nancy sent the following and after you read the whole story of the salesmen think about how Easter reminds us of our need to follow Him and become more like Him. 

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly-missed boarding... ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned. He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor. He was glad he did. The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her; no one stopping and no one to care for her plight. The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?” She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly." As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister...." He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, "Are you Jesus?" He stopped in mid-stride ... and he wondered. He gently went back and said, "No, I am nothing like Jesus - He is good, kind, caring, loving, and would never have bumped into your display in the first place. "The girl gently nodded: "I only asked because I prayed for Jesus to help me gather the apples. He sent you to help me, so you are like Him - only He knows who will do His will. Thank you for hearing His call, Mister." Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?" Do people mistake you for Jesus? That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace. If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day . You are the apple of His eye even though you, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked up you and me on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit. Sometimes we just take things for granted, when we really need to be sharing what we know.... "Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections

  Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.  Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Double Whammy

Bob left the house this morning in somber acceptance of the day and days ahead.  He is back to the chemo regime and knows what the next three weeks will hold.  These past weeks have been the worst because on top of the chemo, he got that terrible cold that has been making the rounds everywhere.  I have never heard anyone cough so much.  For sure no sleeping, (Bob thinks people over rate sleep anyway LOL), and we now have shares in every tissue manufacturer there is, in the western world.    HOWEVER.

Bob was at the cancer clinic on Wed. March 20.  This was his regular appointment with Dr. Bahlis.  We praise God The Father,,,,,, again as He has used these drugs to beat back the cancer again.  Halleluja!!!  Bob had had a fair number of lesions on different parts of his skeleton at the last PET scan but the scan that was taken a couple of weeks ago--Mar.7??- didn't light up so the active spots of cancer were routed!!!!  This is such amazing news, as we were somewhat concerned with the number of cancer spots that Bob had in his body.  The doc has decided that Bob will finish 3 more rounds of chemo with all 3 drugs.  This will take 3 months---up to summer.  For the summer the thinking is that Bob will just have 1 drug for  chemo--Revlamid--making the side affects somewhat tolerable and minimal.  This will be a maintenance dose, my thinking anyway.  Perhaps we will now begin thinking of leaving the city for a road trip???   Some people think that travelling is a given so if it is a given in your life go for it, while you can do it easily.  That part of our new normal is not a given, and even knowing that we are not travellers, it still feels constrictive when you know travelling isn't an easy given.  Of course, I only need to look at Tim and Barbie and realize that my new normal is easy.

Speaking of Tim, his pressure sore is pretty much all healed---praise God.  Once he was put on the list for surgery because the sore wasn't healing, Tim decided he was no longer staying in bed!!!  He has been up and doing the computer work for Trans Alta and spending time with the family----away from the bedroom.  He is very conscience of tilting time and the sore began to heal.  They have begun to tentatively, very tentatively, plan for a holiday using the money from the social that was held a year ago.  God is faithful and is doing a work in our family.  I need to take that one step farther away and say that God is also working in our Mike and his family.

Over the years many people--well mostly women---"older women!!!!! would be the prayer warriors.  They would be in prayer faithfully and earnestly for the church, missionaries, families and situations around the world.  They always amazed me and inspired me to be more diligent in prayer.  I prayed but not the same as I am moved to pray now.  I am thinking, that in my experience, I needed to come to the point that as a woman, wife and mom there was nothing, absolutely nothing I, me, myself could do to fix situations in our family.  My doings were totally useless and often negative.  That is when my head knowledge of how much God cared became my heart knowledge.  I opened my hurts, cares, fears and everything I am  and have to the Lord and asked Him to care for them.  I pray somewhat differently always acknowledging that only God has any power to care for my family.  I also concede that God does all things in His way and in His time.  He didn't need me to help Him do His work.  Prayer is so important and so freeing, I trust that now as an "older woman" I will honor God by being willing to pray for others.  It has meant stepping back and allowing God to step forward into my life and the lives of those I love.

A trip = a change

Bob has now been off of chemo for a whole week.  It is so great to see him become himself again.   The only side affect that we can "see" and put a finger on is the neuropathy.  Bob's right leg is affected the most and he can feel (sense) that a lot.  Not sure if all that nerve damage will or can repair itself.  His walking is generally pretty good.  It gets even better the more days he is away from the chemo.

 Case in point:  while we were in Niagra Falls we decided to walk that walkway along the river and falls.   I am thinking that it would be at least a kilometer one way.  That was pretty brave of us considering we haven't done much walking at home, mostly because of the ice everywhere as winter melts away and then freezes again.  The day at the Falls was below freezing and windy.  We have learned that to do this walk in the winter wear rubber boots--the warm ones, wear wind pants, a nylon type jacket with a hood and nylon covered mitts.  A wool jacket quickly smells like a sheep, leather shoes are soon white from the salt slurry that is everywhere, a toque or hat becomes wet and mittens don't keep the wind out!!!!  Even so, Bob and I had so much fun being out there.  It was raining for a ways as the mist from the falls comes down like rain fall.  Yet, we could see that things would get better as the folks returning from the far end were carrying Tim Horton cups.....and yes there was a Tim Horton's so we had hot chocolate and a sit down before we started back.  We had tried walking on the warmer side of the street.........across the road from the falls walkway but sheesh the cars just had no sense of dignity and splashed the sloppy road slush up on to the sidewalk.  There were so many people out on that walkway that one could almost think it was summer.  We could hear a rather large number of languages.....couldn't place very many tho.  In Bob's wisdom and from our experiences Bob thought that these folks made Canada their vacation destination in the winter because well.......it is winter.... and the rates to travel here may be less in the "off" season.  'Course they could all be going out west to ski!!!  There was lots of ice especially along the American falls and in the river---no Maid of the Mist for sure.  We had never been to the falls in the winter and we now can say that the falls has its own breath taking beauty in every season.

Bob very quickly got back into the rhythm of returning to chemo, doctors and needles.  The day after we came home from Niagra Falls, Bob saw the oncologist.  Dr. Bahlis  was pleased with the numbers from the blood tests done earlier in the day.  He is going to set up a PET scan to see what has happened to the cancer lesions.  The best part is that Bob will only have to go to the hospital once a week--on Fridays for the velcade injection.  Friday will also be the day that Bob will take the dex.  The revlamid continues every day.  Only the rotation changes---3 weeks of chemo and one off.  Bob was so thrilled that he got feeling so well while we were away that he is encouraged that he won't be feeling so horrible---always -----that he can get to a point of wellness again and with that thought he can continue with the chemo.  So far so good with the reactions this time around, not as debilitating as 2 weeks ago.

Have to say that our trip to Niagra Falls was very good in all respects.  We celebrated Bob's dad's 90th birthday.  Dad and Reta are both very well and look great.  We got to spend time with Bob's brother, Gerry and his wife Claire who came from Manitoba.  So glad that we all came the week after the BIG party as the week before was the snow storm that closed the airports and delayed flights into Toronto and Hamilton.  We also got to reconnect with lots of family on a couple of different days as they came to dad and Reta's home.

A Joshua Liebman is quoted as saying: "Treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other."

Working Drugs

Bob and I totally know that many prayers have been offered up for Bob and God has been gracious the first week  of this round.  The treatments and side affects have been so much better and we are truly grateful.

Being tired now is a biggie for Bob.  Bob's blood pressure is low --for him and he has been dizzy.  He also has a sense of not feeling well altho he is still eating reasonably well and so we are once again slipping into another new normal accepting and fighting the best we know how.

There was a huge reality check tho, as the face of the multiple myeloma support group and the fund raising for multiple myeloma, has passed away.  Carol Westberg was 58 years old.  She had been diagnosed only 8 years ago.  Carol was a fierce warrior with a desire to bring a greater awareness of this cancer to the general public.  Carol's death will have a huge impact on the multiple myeloma community.

The reality of the cancer makes us more aware of life and love.

It is now Tues the 5th and Bob is over at Tom Baker for the blood work and the chemo injection.  About an hour ago he sent an email but I wasn't near the computer.  I wonder if Bob thinks I sit and monitor emails and FB and Pintrest ALL day!!!!  He phoned..............I usually answer the phone unless they are those weird numbers that never leave a message.  Should you have a weird number and I don't answer make sure you leave a message. 

 Sooooo I talked with Bob and we are so very excited and so very thankful, grateful and blessed.  Bob was waiting down by the lab when Dr. Bahlis came along and asked how he was doing.   Totally amazes me that the doc knows who Bob is, and his case, as Bob is only 1 in a sea of cancer patients that come and go out of those waiting areas.  Bob told the doc  about all the side affects he is struggling with and that he really didn't like this drug.  Bob was told that the side affects were pretty normal.  REALLY!!!!!  there are sure a lot of people around who not only have cancer but struggle horribly with the meds. 

 Then the doc said "oh you won't know this yet, your numbers have come way down again--where we wanted to see them", SO I am thinking that the Kappa/lambda protein ratio must be down as that was the only blood marker that was way up.  Dr. Bahlis  then said that for the next round, which will begin in 2 weeks, Bob may only have to have the Velcade once a week rather than the twice a week injection.  The other two Drugs the Revlamid and Dex will stay the same for now. 

We are so grateful for the many people who are praying for Bob and I.  So thankful that God is choosing to help abate the cancer and to grow us.

Please Proceed............Again

What a nice week we enjoyed this past week.  I am not sure what made it special but I am thinking that it was the lifting of a fog or the lifting of a tension or urgency that surrounded us for the previous two weeks.  Bob felt good, altho by Sunday night and last night (Mon) the pain in the bones was returning esp in bed--must be the pressure when he lies down on the places where the cancer has shown itself.  Aside from that we relaxed and enjoyed life more sans the body and mental tension.

 Bob is working on a glass project and spent time on that--re designing, changing, going back to the glass store for another/ different piece of glass.  Bob deals at Rubyiat Stained Glass Store.  They are more of a  restorative, commissioned place and should you ever have the need to see some amazing pieces in progress that is the place to go.  PLUS the new west LRT runs right by it-----at the way up high in the sky part.  We plan to take that western LRT ride very soon.  

 We went out for dinner at the Bolero restaurant  with three other couples and truly did enjoy the evening.  The restaurant is something we hadn't experienced before.  I believe it is Brazilian.  You help yourself to a salad bar, to dishes I was only vaguely familiar with but they were very tasty.  The main course (read: meats) is all cooked and served on swords.  The waiters come back and forth to your table and cut pieces off of what ever is on the sword--chicken, lamb, fish, several kinds of beef (always rare--yuk), pork and on and on---17 different swords each different.  The whole meal is an explosion of many flavors but not overly spicy.  It was fun just to experience something different.  Bob's boss picked up the tab so that made the whole experience very sweet---just like the roasted pineapple.  Thanks NJ.

We also had Tim and Barbie's kids over one night.  They are sure great kids.  Bob spent a lot of time with Colton.  Colton is driving so he was grandpa's chauffeur for a couple of days.  That way there were actual destinations to get to and not "turn left, turn right, ok turn left again".  At the end of April Colton will be 16 yikes..........................It was a good week.

Proceed----Bob has left to do a couple of errands for work and then on to Tom Baker Cancer Center.  Proceeding to the lab and then to the waiting room and then to have the chemo.  He has the anti nausea meds with him so I am sure that they will continue to work.  Proceed home.  This time we have an idea of what to expect but our life now slows down (as if...it was set on the rabbit!!!).  Looking forward to these two weeks not being as daunting as last time.  I have a hard time keeping all the appointments and times straight.  Bob manages "because he has a Blackberry".  But I ask you; who will remind you to put a hat on, take water, and say I love you------no Blackberry I've seen.

The friend who sent me this quote begins chemo this week for breast cancer.  Keep the faith Nancy!!!
"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring.  This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation.  We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God."

See-saw

Yesterday, Monday the 21st of Jan. turned out to be a sun shiny day!! That song from long ago popped into my head......

the rain is gone,  I can see all obstacles in my way, here is that rainbow I've been praying for-----it's going to be a bright sunshiny day

I think that Bob Marley did the song but I am not really a music guru and really---who cares who did the song?

We weren't sure what the visit to the oncologist would bring after the two low weeks, feeling that the cancer was getting away on Bob and that some days with all the side affects it was looking rather bleak.

First good sign: - we were ushered from the waiting area into the "doctor's room" in rather quicker time than usual,  second sign-no Dr. Bahlis,  but in came Dr. Neri, that is really encouraging!!!!....YES, Starting to feel like we are on our way up.

Dr. Neri went over the blood work which is all pretty much in the normal range.  The bone marrow biopsy showed only 3% myeloma cells.  Donna, (my sister) told me that the docs don't diagnose multiple myeloma until there is at least 10% myeloma cells in the biopsy.  The Dr. then went to the PET and MRI scans and they show the number of lesions (or cancer spots).  Bob has them on his shoulder, lumbar region, plus higher on the spine plus the pelvis.  The doc also did PSA test to check if cancer was coming from the prostate---no that was good.  Now the doc has a new base line and will need to rely on the visual scans to see what is happening with the cancer as the blood does not show the extent of the cancer.  She (Dr. Neri) told Bob, once again, that he is not typical and the cancer does not present itself typically.  Bob will now do 3 more cycles of  2 weeks on, 1 week off of  chemo before the tests are all redone.  At that point they want to see if the chemo has changed the lesions---as in gone or diminished.  At that point any course change will take place or if things have gone well Bob will continue on with this regime.   All the side affects were normal even if they were scary to us,  Bob is not crazy, this stuff, the side affects, is what happens on these drugs phweeee that was a relief.  Dr. Neri was very positive and made us feel like hey all is well.  Up, up we were going.  Our trip is a go.  Bob will miss a visit with the oncologist but back right in time to start another new week so as it turns out we are gone over the off days!!!!!

We came from the bottom to the top of the see saw on a bright shiny day ----a real shiny day, which has been a rarity in Calgary these days.  

Thank you, once again, to God the Father who answers the  prayers from so many.

Family

Saturday again, the weeks really do march along quickly the older we get.

I know that people must have prayed for Bob this week,as the side affects were not as bad as last week.  Thank you, Lord, for answered prayer. Bob is sleeping now, I can tell by the snoring coming from the next room.  That is ok since he really does miss out on sleep on a lot of the nights.  It is ok, too, because Mike and Cori and the kids are in town for the weekend and are coming to our house for supper.  Bob needs to sleep before we have company. Tim and Barbie and the kids will come for dessert.  It makes me so pleased to have both of my kids and their families around.  That also makes Bob happy, actually brings him to tears.  Families are such a challenging blessing.

The appointment with the oncologist is on Mon. but the week off of chemo starts on Tues.  I can see the effect of the dexamethazone already.  Bob is loosing muscle fast.  Hate that look.  We are both looking forward to the week off and trusting that there won't be any added appointments.  This week Bob had both a PET scan and an MRI plus he was to the lab 2x so there should be some results in on Mon. 

Bob has kept up a decent work schedule, as well.   We can't say often enough how grateful we are for the company he works for.  Some of the side affects may cause Bob to think about going on disability but he is determined to stay as long as he is able.  The folks he works along side are being great as well.

I have to say that Bob also drove himself where he needed to be this week.  As my sister would say: "of course he did".

Continuing to continue on, one day at a time.