Deja vu

When Bob came home from the appointment with the oncologist yesterday (April 2) it was deja vu.  I spent today, once again, dealing with the fears and the realities of the horrible cancer that Bob's body is dealing with.  Once again we will both be heading to Tom Baker Cancer Center on Tuesday  April 8.  Bob has been going to all of his appointments on his own for quite some time as all the appointments seemed so routine.
The routine and mundane is changing and not the way we would like.

The results from the PET scan were shared with Bob yesterday.  The course of chemo that Bob has been taking has failed.  There are more tumors or lesions on his bones.  Bob said he didn't ask where, as we kinda know where some tumors may be.  The pain he is experiencing gives it away.  We hoped it was arthritis or nerve pain from the surgery of almost six years ago.  Six years since the initial diagnosis, more than three years more than the original time frame we were given.  Thanks to new drugs and new pairings of drugs over the past five years there is more hope and longevity for multiple myeloma patients.  The one option that was presented is using a new drug called Pomalidomide.  The Dr. needs to contact the drug company to get Bob approved to take this drug.  This  drug is not able to be prescribed yet.  A year ago the FDA granted accelerated approval for patients with multiple myeloma who have received two prior therapies including Revlamid and Velcade and whose disease progressed within sixty days of completing the last therapy.  Bob was still to have another month of Velcade and Dex so the cancer is being refactory!!!!!!

The overgrowth of malignant cells in the bone marrow can weaken the bones especially in the back and ribs causing pain and fractures.  The pain is increasing in Bob's back bringing back the horror of six years ago.  Six years ago we cancelled our Easter trip, a family wedding trip and then I watched as Bob could not handle the pain any longer.  Trusting we won't have to go through all of that again.  The side effects are horrible but they are with each drug.  Many of the side effects are the same as what he has experienced wiith the other drugs.  The main ones are neutropenia, anemia and thrombocylopenia.  I thought these words were very scarey and yeah I googled them.  It will be a while until we will know if this drug is possible for Bob.

The second option is equally frightening.  On Tuesday this is the option that the blood work and spinal tap are in prep for; the stem cell transplant.  The nurse told me once the tests were done we would discuss this option.  You may remember that Bob was rejected for a transplant when first diagnosed.  This was due to the finding that Bob had a heart attack somewhere in all the pain.  Sixty-five is close to the top age that the doctors like to do the transplant.  The thinking is that if the transplant would work for Bob the new drug would still be an option further down the road.

It is now Saturday morning and another test has been added to the Tues. schedule.  Dr. Bahlis wants the echo cardiogram done before the other tests.  Sooooo at seven in the morning we will be at the new hospital in our neighborhood for the echo and then at eight across the city at the lab over at Tom Baker.  Hmmmm I think that I will have to drive!!!!!!

In our newsletter from Sonshine Park Preschool I was the "meet our staff" person for April.  I will quote part of my write up;
 "Moving to Calgary proved to be positive for us in so many ways.  We truly saw God go ahead of us and prepare the way for our life in the city.  We can honestly say that God has given us contentment and peace in the midst of life's struggles......"
I innocently read this to Bob later in the day of April 2.  This was after I  had been so upset and just angry that this cancer was not weakening it's grip on my husband.  I ranted that we are so ill prepared for retiring, how our income on the farm just let us down, how we haven't worked long enough at our present rates to be ok, that we have made poor decisions over the years, blah, blah, blah.  Bob reminded me that we prayed all the time and made the best decisions given whatever our circumstances were at the time.  Then Bob told me we are just like the Israelites.  God cared for them and as we read about their complaining about the manna after the Red Sea parting as well as their other complaints during those forty years we shake our heads wondering why didn't they see God's care.  Bob pointed out to me; 
 "Shirley, just like you wrote in the newsletter, we know God cared for us.  We need to trust Him now and pray for God's best and believe that He wants the best for us."

So, the verse from the book of Job came to my mind.  Job tells his wife "You are talking like a foolish woman.  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2:10.

We will gird ourselves for what is ahead and pray for God's best.  Should we pass through your thoughts at any time please pray for us as we continue on this journey.
Being in the "hymn culture" as a new believer and for many years after many of the hymns go through my thoughts.   I was a new believer and learned much by teaching Sunday School.  I learned the songs along with the kids. The hymns and songs that I learned are very precious words deep in my brain.  The one  I have been thinking of lately is the one following and  should you know the tune; sing with me, maybe even march about:

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.

Strength for today, is mine all the way

And all that I need for tomorrow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.

Lions, lambs, lions, lambs, lions, lions

Today and for the most part,  I gotta say the lions are winning!!!  The weather came in like a lion so to my way of thinking I thought that by now the gentle lambs would be taking over the weather fronts. However, from my window it looks like a regular ole winter storm blowing outside.  The winter snow is still hanging around and now the darkness of that snow is being covered by the whiteness of fresh falling snow and sleet.  I write about the weather in order to have a basis to complain,  mostly about the long never ending winter.  I know, I know all of us are dealing with that no matter where we live across this northern world. 

Wow, what a world we have too.  The Olympics was great entertainment, after the media leaves--most of them anyway, Russia decided to take back territory.  I read historical romance (not that this is romantic) but sheesh seems like a leader of another era did the same thing annexing back the Sudetenland in order to protect German interests.  The books I read, altho being fiction describe vividly what happens in aggression.
May the Lord keep us from another major war.
I am sure most of you have read about the premier of AB. Politics is becoming such a sad state of affairs.  Well,I won't go any further.  Cousin David covers that pretty well.  Hey David, more Canadian content!!!

Right now Bob is at the Tom Baker Cancer Centre having a PET scan.  Simply, Bob is injected with radioactive sugar and then the doctors monitor the circulation of this injection through the body.  Active cells---cancer cells--quickly move  to the sugar.  In this way the doctors can tell where there are tumors growing.  I think that loosely resembles the truth of the test.  This was originally planned for an MRI but when the appointment came the type of test had been changed.  We try not to race ahead of the results but sometimes you can't help it. 
This all makes me uptight and I want to complain about everything.  Life is hard and then you die.  I know all the right things, don't worry, but living through this daily gets to be tough.  Watching Barbie and Tim is hard, walking now with 3 fellow teachers from our school deal with cancer is hard.  The latest only 23 years old.  Visiting these dear old people when I volunteer at the hospital is hard.  Listening to heartbreaking stories of what is happening in the lives of our friends is hard.  One gal told me: for believers in Jesus this life is hell but for those who don't or won't accept Jesus as their personal savior this life is heaven.  Gotta say I am so thankful for the Hope we have in God. 

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Mundane

Yesterday, March 5 was Bob's latest visit with the oncologist.  I have struggled with the previous visit as the numbers were up and more drugs were added and then frustration and discontent and disappointment settle in and that is only me!!!!  Bob has more side effects, is more tired and has been having a lot of pain.  At least the weather has been horrid so it is easier to hunker down and stay sane as most everyone is hunkered down.  However the news yesterday is more encouraging.  Thank you to those of you who continue to pray for us.  Bob's marker numbers have come down by 30% which is great.  We are happy if they hold or go down.  These markers going up not only get our doctors excited, they put us on edge.  WBC is now 4.2, the Kappa/Lambda Free Ratio is now 3.55 (still a little high) but going in the right direction. 
For now Bob will continue on with the same doses and hopefully the markers will go down again.

The dexamethazone is the steroid that causes the hyper, no sleeping, agitated side affects and Bob is looking forward to tomorrow when he gets chemo cause the dex also takes the pain away.  Go figure!!!!!  One man's poison.........
Bob is also being slated for an MRI to see what is causing the pain in his back.  The MRI will show if it is arthritis or something else as a PET doesn't show arthritis.

Bob is working, has had to come home early a couple of days but generally "does his time".  Lots of changes on the estate so it makes life interesting for him.  This month my dear Bob is 65, yikes, not sure how that happened.  Seems like only yesterday we were 16.  Bob will start collecting those brown envelopes.  I am not to far behind so we now have bragging rights that between us we have 130 years of experience in life!!!  This is a tough birthday for Bob to reach 65 and not be ready (in any way) to retire.  Soooo he will continue to be off to work for awhile longer---me tooooo!!!  I am thrilled that Bob is turning 65 at one point we didn't think he would make 60.  Each birthday is a gift and needs to be a celebration of some sort.

Our biggest outings this winter have been to Mike and Cori's to spend time with them and their kids.  Mike seems to be doing well in his business.  He finds it very hard to find good help as both of the locations are in very low employment areas.  Such are the challenges!!!  The kids are growing like crazy  and require high energy so we save up for a month or so before we go!!!!!

Tim and Barbie's family also is well and all doing their things.  We don't see them as often any more which means they are all well.  Barbie is looking for a job right now.  They need to take their family vacation and are still planning that and hopefully Barbie will earn some extra money towards that.  Tim and Barbie did make the trip to Ottawa when Tim's dad, Larry was sworn in as a MP.  

Our Quebec kids of course we don't see but have a wee bit of contact through FB.  They are growing older as well!!!

The weather is going to warm up by the weekend as I am struggling with a headache today sooooo on a more creative day I will try and write again and let you all into on our lives..

Happy New Year----2014

 Happy New Year.  Still have a few days left until the Ukrainian new year celebrations!!!!  Yikes 2014 already, hardly seems possible. A new year of life ahead..

 I must be getting older as I now find myself saying "well, I remember back when we were on a telephone party line and had a rotary dial phone".  Blank stares from my teens.  I also remember that in the year 1999 we were all wondering what would happen to us because of  Y2K.  We bought a generator so that we could milk the cows and cool the milk and then tractor the generator  down to the house until the next milking.  So glad that the Y2K came in and we didn't have any upsets---such as; loosing power, loosing our banking, not being able to shop because the cash registers wouldn't work.  In some ways that was only a short time ago and really all the prep is nearly 15 years ago for that event.  This summer we will call Calgary  home for 9 years and have not been farmers for 10.  We are happy being city slickers.  We get to do some house sitting out at the estate where Bob works.  That gives us the quiet that we forget exists away from the city.

Bob is doing well as we head into 2014.  We have more plans and optimism than we have had for a few years.  This past Wed.  Bob had a visit (well, actually an appointment) with the oncologist Dr. Bahlis.  The regime that was started a month ago has brought the markers for cancer down but not as much as the doc would like to see sooooo starting with chemo tomorrow--Jan. 10, the velcade dose will be increased.  If I remember correctly this will mean more neuropathy.  Right now Bob cannot feel his toes but the rest is good!!!( All a matter of perspective).  After tomorrow he will be back to walking on marbles and using the walking stick to help with balance.  Trusting that this will work and the dex will not be increased and they will not add another drug.

Bob keeps on working at his job.  It is ever evolving and including new things.  Bob truly enjoys his job and plans to stay for.................??????we will keep evaluating his health and plus as long as the Co. is ok with the arrangements.

We had really great Christmas celebrations with both of our kids and their families.  We were not all together for Christmas but we got out to Mike and Cori's the weekend before Christmas and then back in time for Christmas Eve and Day with Tim and Barbie.  Truly a fun time.

I received snowshoes for Christmas---very different from the ones from years ago!!!!! I am adding that to my programme this year........already been out   3    times!!!!!! Only once in the "wild" the other two times on soccer fields.  Gotta  do better this year.  Looking back:

                                                  I swam 10 laps
                                  I ran 3 miles
                                  I biked 7 miles
                                  It's been a good year.
                                My former philosophy (I hope)

Bob and I are both working at the healthy heart, and keep the high blood sugar at bay for now.  If you are young..... start now you never know when you won't be able to.
So on that happy note I say adieu and God's blessings for each of you for the life ahead in this new year.

Life Changes

Life Changes

Bob and I  decided to go on a wee adventure this past Sat.  We put on a Christmas CD by Lady Antebellum --- on this winter's night.  We settled into the "gentle" drive ( as opposed to the hard drive on the Deerfoot) on the new Stoney Trail.  This new bypass is truly great and will even be greater when totally finished on the west side of the city++++that is a whole other story involving First Nations, etc.++++ sooooo oh yeah, we are travelling along enjoying the drive and the music and are really into the whole Christmas experience.   We are off to Cross Iron Mills-a very large outlet mall near Airdrie.  Upon our arrival we thought  "oh my, even Jingle Bells may not save us--huge line of traffic to get into the place, but we went ahead, found a parking spot, I am thinking only ticked off one person and they did seem much younger and therefore more able to continue on searching for a spot to park.  For as many people as there were in that mall, it was ok, didn't seem tightly crowded and so in high spirits off we set.  We had a super time.  We bought a number of things--lots of staff to help, the check out lines in the stores were very manageable and we had fun together.  Totally out of character for this couple, to be shopping on a Sat.and especially two weeks before Christmas, and totally enjoying it!!!!!!!!!!!  Must have been the music on the drive or..............

We are changing--must be slow learners.  This whole cancer scene is teaching us so very much.  Patience with situations and with each other.  Our normal, now, is what it is.  We live a slow paced lifestyle.  Even learning that Christmas gifts are not the be all and end all of the season.  Giving a gift is because we want to, because we love you, not the cost of it or even the importance of it in some one's life.  The giving is an expression of our love to others.  I am having a hard time putting these thoughts into words.  Probably you won't get a gift from us and yet we truly care about each of you and many of you are remembered and prayed for often.  God  gave His only Son to the world on that first Christmas  when Jesus came as a baby to live among man.  The giving of the gift of Jesus is God's expression of His love to each of us.  It matters not who we are, where we live or how wealthy we are.  Unlike us mere humans who cannot give gifts to everyone, God did, by giving us Jesus.

We are also content--at least most of the time.  We have peace about our lives and trust that God truly will continue to guide us and go before us as we continue to trust Him.  Perhaps we are in a situation that we know there is nothing we are able to do-- not turn back the clock,not  take a redo (I believe that is called a mulligan) or change things, so we need to carry on doing the best we are able in every area of our lives--physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  When we take out eyes off of Jesus and look around us at what others are able to do and have then that peace and Christmas joy can hit a sour note.  We are getting so much better at enjoying who we are, what we have and what we do.

These thoughts hopefully portray the Christmas joy that we have.

In less than three months the succulent sense that the cancer in Bob's body is under control has been blown out of the water.....splASH!!!!!

In spite of not seeing any new lesions in early Sept.  the blood work, well, still remaining in the low number range, doubled.  This made Dr. Bahlis decide that the maintenance dose was not enough to keep the cancer in check.  First of all Bob went back on the velcade every three weeks with one week off.  This still proved not to settle things down so this past Fri. the dreaded Dex. was added to the velcade.  The Dex is the anabolic steroid--no sleep, cramps, high blood sugar and added extra tiredness.  This lasts at its most ugly 2-3 days.  This is the path of multiple myeloma that we are on, being patient and understanding and doing the best we are able in all things.  Bob's dose is still in the lower ranges of what can be given.  Next week will be a better test of how he will feel as this past Wed. Bob also had the arridia infusion which always upsets his system for a few days.  This infusion helps to strengthen the bones.

That is the latest on Bob's health and what is happening. 

 Trusting that you have or will accept God's gift of Jesus this Christmas season.  

Poof, summer is gone

        Where did the summer go?  This year it sped by at warp pace.  Now that it is truly fall, I should at least mention some of what is/has been happening.  Note that today our roses are at the loveliest thy have been--lots of blooms.  We have not had frost yet so hopefully this fall will last and last.

During the summer Bob had a PET scan.  Bob's blood work is unreliable as to what the multiple myeloma is doing so every 6 mo. he has this test done to see if there are fresh tumors (lesions) on the bone anywhere.  We hadn't heard anything after this was done so like the saying goes no news is good news.  It was !!!!!!!, hurrah, hurrah, yesterday Bob was told that there were not any new lesions.  Everything looked ok.  Bob will continue on with the velcade---alone!!!! every other week by intravenous.  Good news for both of us.  The worst side affect for Bob is the neuropathy.  We learned on this past weekend that with the velcade the feeling will come back once off of the velcade.  This is unlike the revlamid.  Bob has already noticed this as the day or so at the end of the two week cycle, his feet are doing well again.  So we can safely say that today Bob is in remission the myeloma is not active and so this is the maintenance regime.

Last weekend we attended the Southern Alberta Myeloma Patient Society conference.  This was most informative. The speakers were top notch.  The research across the world is top rate and what is taking place right here in Calgary (what is another adjective) is stupendous.  Our Dr. Bahlis and his wife Dr. Neri have research going on that  deals with----things I didn't understand and for sure can't spell---.  They have just added another young Dr. to their clinic who is already involved with research.  I could run the other two docs names by you to impress you as to where they come from and what they are researching in their parts of the world but sheesh you just had to hear the excitement in their voices as to what they do and what they are learning about myeloma.  They have a number of new drugs on test and a number more that will soon be able to go on test.  The combinations of drugs that that they are looking at are ever evolving so the most important thing we came away with was HOPE.  Myeloma will have new procedures to combat it with for a hopefully long time.  This was a boost for us.  There is research on mind/body interactions that affect psychological, physiological and survival outcome for people with cancer.  Also examining roles of physical activity for enhancing wellness in chronic disease populations (mostly cancer).  Calling multiple myeloma a chronic disease is like wow yeah!!!!!!  This off course means Bob needs to exercise more even some on any truly yukky days.  We also took away what everyone has always known----all things in moderation--food, diet, exercise, checkups of all types.

Bob is very happy at his job and some weeks is maintaining almost full time hours.  It is a wee bit more difficult the beginning week after chemo.  I am back in school two days and doing the snack for our 175 kids----they aren't all at school every day so it works!!!!

Tim's sore from long ago is healed.  He was allergic to what the nurse was packing it with!!!! Grrrrrrr.  So he had Barbie are taking a trial trip away first weekend in Oct.  to Vegas.  Vegas is suppose to be the easiest place to go in a wheelchair.  The fella from Quadriplegic Canada (Calgary?) has a condo there all ready for anyone in a wheelchair.  He rents it out at a nominal charge.  Should this go well................next stop Disneyland  with the whole family.  The money from the social almost 2 years ago will finance that trip.

Today I am at peace with the world (well most of it) and "feel" great.  To take a note from our daughter ......it is well with my soul....  (no tattoos for me tho).

If this video may be of interest to you it is about multiple myeloma from a Calgary survivor. You should be able to just click on it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bfwhVwoZqI&list=PL6FEA9179A6F7B1B1

Shirley experienced a miracle

Today I experienced a miracle.  God did a miracle--don't know how--isn't that what a miracle is all about???,seeing something happen that has no logical explanation.

This is an ordinary Monday in my life.  Monday is wash day, ironing and putting away all the clothes.Maybe a little   OC    over laundry--not much else tho??  I had my first load of wash in the machine and went upstairs to check email and yeah.......FB, then did a couple of chores.  I fiqured that by then the first load would be washed and ready for the dryer.  As I went down the basement stairs I could smell something funny and it was hazy in the basement.  First I thot , oh my glasses must be more dirty than I thot.  Even as I thot that I didn't really believe it as I could see the haze near the ceiling of the basement swirl slightly.  I ran into the laundry room, couldn't see anything, opened the washer and it hadn't finished spinning---odd, checked out the electric panel--nothing.  I ran upstairs and called 911, even tho I was told to wait outside I went back into the basement and checked around the washer again as that was the only appliance that was on.  I noticed that the washer was unplugged, I hadn't done that.  The smell and haze was definitely coming from there but there weren't any flames or anything.  The fire and police arrived on our quiet cul de sac, anyone at home has been entertained and enjoyed a cup of coffee together as they watched the proceedings.  The dogs next door, who are all alone, will now have laryngitis for the season (cross my fingers).  These very nice young men came in and checked everything very carefully.  They decided that it was the washer and took it apart.  The motor had kept running but the belt had burned.  They didn't know if the motor was damaged but  were sure that the belt had been the problem.  They cleared the haze with a humongous fan and were kind enough to be sure that this granny was ok and not having a nervous breakdown.

I started to read a book entitled Miracles Are For Real  What Happens when Heaven Touches Earth by James L Garlow and Keith Wall.  My friend Joan had loaned it to me.  Together we are praying for a miracle.  This book was to be an encouragement of things that happen in peoples lives with no reasonable explanation.  These events have been in the past two decades.  The book really made me think and trust even more, that God still does do the unexplainable.  Skeptics abound needing proof when there is no proof such as something science can explain.

Today my machine was unplugged and the cord lay parallel to the wall on the top of my vacuum.  The cord had not just fallen out of the plug to the floor.  This event, I believe, prevented a larger catastrophe from happening in our house.  

This also takes my thoughts further at how Bob has survived, not just survived but has thrived with a cancer that can defeat people quickly.  Was the cancer cured?  NO but the miracle is in Bob's life---every day---. I am grateful to our Lord and God Jesus Christ who today cared for our home.