Deja vu

When Bob came home from the appointment with the oncologist yesterday (April 2) it was deja vu.  I spent today, once again, dealing with the fears and the realities of the horrible cancer that Bob's body is dealing with.  Once again we will both be heading to Tom Baker Cancer Center on Tuesday  April 8.  Bob has been going to all of his appointments on his own for quite some time as all the appointments seemed so routine.
The routine and mundane is changing and not the way we would like.

The results from the PET scan were shared with Bob yesterday.  The course of chemo that Bob has been taking has failed.  There are more tumors or lesions on his bones.  Bob said he didn't ask where, as we kinda know where some tumors may be.  The pain he is experiencing gives it away.  We hoped it was arthritis or nerve pain from the surgery of almost six years ago.  Six years since the initial diagnosis, more than three years more than the original time frame we were given.  Thanks to new drugs and new pairings of drugs over the past five years there is more hope and longevity for multiple myeloma patients.  The one option that was presented is using a new drug called Pomalidomide.  The Dr. needs to contact the drug company to get Bob approved to take this drug.  This  drug is not able to be prescribed yet.  A year ago the FDA granted accelerated approval for patients with multiple myeloma who have received two prior therapies including Revlamid and Velcade and whose disease progressed within sixty days of completing the last therapy.  Bob was still to have another month of Velcade and Dex so the cancer is being refactory!!!!!!

The overgrowth of malignant cells in the bone marrow can weaken the bones especially in the back and ribs causing pain and fractures.  The pain is increasing in Bob's back bringing back the horror of six years ago.  Six years ago we cancelled our Easter trip, a family wedding trip and then I watched as Bob could not handle the pain any longer.  Trusting we won't have to go through all of that again.  The side effects are horrible but they are with each drug.  Many of the side effects are the same as what he has experienced wiith the other drugs.  The main ones are neutropenia, anemia and thrombocylopenia.  I thought these words were very scarey and yeah I googled them.  It will be a while until we will know if this drug is possible for Bob.

The second option is equally frightening.  On Tuesday this is the option that the blood work and spinal tap are in prep for; the stem cell transplant.  The nurse told me once the tests were done we would discuss this option.  You may remember that Bob was rejected for a transplant when first diagnosed.  This was due to the finding that Bob had a heart attack somewhere in all the pain.  Sixty-five is close to the top age that the doctors like to do the transplant.  The thinking is that if the transplant would work for Bob the new drug would still be an option further down the road.

It is now Saturday morning and another test has been added to the Tues. schedule.  Dr. Bahlis wants the echo cardiogram done before the other tests.  Sooooo at seven in the morning we will be at the new hospital in our neighborhood for the echo and then at eight across the city at the lab over at Tom Baker.  Hmmmm I think that I will have to drive!!!!!!

In our newsletter from Sonshine Park Preschool I was the "meet our staff" person for April.  I will quote part of my write up;
 "Moving to Calgary proved to be positive for us in so many ways.  We truly saw God go ahead of us and prepare the way for our life in the city.  We can honestly say that God has given us contentment and peace in the midst of life's struggles......"
I innocently read this to Bob later in the day of April 2.  This was after I  had been so upset and just angry that this cancer was not weakening it's grip on my husband.  I ranted that we are so ill prepared for retiring, how our income on the farm just let us down, how we haven't worked long enough at our present rates to be ok, that we have made poor decisions over the years, blah, blah, blah.  Bob reminded me that we prayed all the time and made the best decisions given whatever our circumstances were at the time.  Then Bob told me we are just like the Israelites.  God cared for them and as we read about their complaining about the manna after the Red Sea parting as well as their other complaints during those forty years we shake our heads wondering why didn't they see God's care.  Bob pointed out to me; 
 "Shirley, just like you wrote in the newsletter, we know God cared for us.  We need to trust Him now and pray for God's best and believe that He wants the best for us."

So, the verse from the book of Job came to my mind.  Job tells his wife "You are talking like a foolish woman.  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2:10.

We will gird ourselves for what is ahead and pray for God's best.  Should we pass through your thoughts at any time please pray for us as we continue on this journey.
Being in the "hymn culture" as a new believer and for many years after many of the hymns go through my thoughts.   I was a new believer and learned much by teaching Sunday School.  I learned the songs along with the kids. The hymns and songs that I learned are very precious words deep in my brain.  The one  I have been thinking of lately is the one following and  should you know the tune; sing with me, maybe even march about:

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.

Strength for today, is mine all the way

And all that I need for tomorrow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness

All I have to do is follow.